When you think of teenagers and suicide, you think of someone who is depressed and isolated. To put the words ‘Kodi’ and ‘suicide’ in the same sentence would have been unthinkable, but months later we are trying to get our heads around the events that lead to 11th July 2016. Kodi was driven to take his own life because of bullying – both at school and online. Our daughter Tayla has lost her best friend, her younger brother and we have lost our only son. We’re family orientated, never a shortage of love and we all wear our hearts on our sleeves. Life will never ever be the same again.
Kodi was handsome, outgoing, athletic, popular, and had a large supportive group of friends and family. We still want to use the present tense of ‘is’ as although Kodi is no longer with us physically, he is spiritually. Kodi walks with us in every day of our lives and it is Kodi’s message that we want to share.
Kodi had started the transition from teenager to young man. Physically, at the age of 14, he was growing at a rapid rate. He was constantly eating and when he wasn’t eating, he was checking out what the next thing was that he was going to eat. We were replacing clothes and shoes constantly as he outgrew his wardrobe. All the tell-tale signs were there that he was growing up. On the inside though, he was still the Kodi that we had always known: sweet, kind, loyal, an avid sports fan and one of the happiest kids we had ever known. His contagious smile was always on show and his laughter constant.
Kodi was also known as ‘Kodz’ and was extremely popular and well known throughout our community because of his sporting talents. He excelled in anything that was athletic. Kodz could pick up a footy ball and run for miles, put him on a Moto X bike and he was in his element. The bigger the challenge, the greater the adventure. On his trips home to New Zealand he soaked up the outdoors – hunting, fishing, farming, in fact, anything that involved being active. He also treasured his time in New Zealand because he got to hang out with his extended family. He loved to be surrounded by family.
Kodz adored his big sister and we were extremely proud to be his mum and dad. He was a beautiful, caring young man. Kodi was never too embarrassed to give us all a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He was at his happiest when he was in the company of his family and in the short amount of time that he was with us, we created many precious family memories. Kodz had the ability to draw us all together and photos and videos that captured these moments are now treasured possessions.
Kodi was a social butterfly and comfortable talking to both old and young. He always wanted to know what you were doing and why. If it involved machinery, Kodi was even more interested. If he got to pull it apart and put it back together, even better. The questions were endless and revealed his inquisitive nature. Kodz was a gifted musician especially on guitar but could also play drums, saxophone and even a few tunes on a harmonica. Playing guitar was one of his favourite past-times along with spending time on his motorbike where he had no fear, accelerator always tapped and higher the jumps the better. He was also a dare devil enjoyed back flipping off bridges, rock faces and we watched in awe as he bungy-jumped from the Auckland Harbour Bridge on our last family holiday together in January 2016. He was elated, the adrenaline was pumping and he was on top of the world. We now wonder how things could change in such a short amount of time. How could such a gentle, loving soul feel like this was his only option?
The months have passed but the pain for us is ongoing. We now live with a constant dark, numb, lonely feeling on the inside. Excitement and comfort are two things that I have not felt since that nightmare morning. Our hearts have been broken into what feels like a million pieces and dealing with day to day life is a constant struggle. So many what-ifs and guilt that plays heavily on our minds – what did we miss, what could we have done, what didn’t we see, why didn’t we know? Kodi was a sensitive, thoughtful and compassionate young man. He had so many people who cared for him deeply. However, the bullies managed to get inside his head and in the darkest of moments, he could only think of escaping from this pain. Why did he listen to that 1% instead of the 99% of people that loved him? We miss Kodi every minute of every single day and that is why we feel that it is so important to share Kodi’s message. He wanted everyone to know how bad bullying is.
The Pearson Family
